07-31-11 How To Love

We are studying the final major section of the book of Romans,

a section that begins with Romans chapter 12

and runs through the end of the book.

It is a section of the letter

used by Paul to present to us

an overview of the 6 major principles

upon which the Family of God is intended to operate.

Our study has taken us through 3 of those six principles so far.

The first, found in Romans 12:1-2,

called each of us to accept the daily battle

of bringing our mistrained physical bodies

under the leadership of the new spirits God has created within us

by continually renewing our minds through the truth.

Interesting, isn’t it,

that the first principle given to us by Paul

for healthy life within the family of God

is the one that talks with us

about our own personal walk with the King.

That’s where it always starts.

Our natural flesh response when we step into the family of God

is to see all of the flaws

and the failures

and the short-comings of those around us.

But when Paul begins his instruction to us

about healthy life in the family of God

I believe he begins where he begins

because he wants us to know that the only way this thing works

is if we start by looking not at what’s broken in the guy next to us

but rather if we start by looking at what’s broken in us,

and keep that as our primary focus

each step of the way.

When I meet a Christian who’s highly critical of what he sees in his fellow Christian

there’s one thing I know for certain...I’m talking with a Christian

who has not yet allowed his God to show him himself.

Once we see ourselves honestly

we’ll never again have a problem with what we see in others.

Then, the second principle,

found in 12:3-21,

talked with us about the way in which

God has equipped each one of us

with our own unique contribution to the Body of Christ.

God has equipped every one of His children

with our own unique ability

to communicate the life of Christ within us.

No one ever has or ever will again

illustrate the reality of the redemptive work of God

in the way you do.

And each of us have both our own unique message

and the exact gifts necessary for communicating that message.

And then, the last time we were in this study,

we looked at the third principle,

found in Romans 13:1-7,

in which Paul told us that we are called to live our Christian lives

in subjection to the governing authorities He has placed over us.

In fact, Paul went so far as to tell us

that human governmental structures

are “a minister of God” to us.

Now, this morning we move on

to the 4^th principle,

found in Romans 13:8-10.

It takes Paul only 3 verses to say what he wants to say here,

but they are three verses that,

if we truly hear what is being said,

have the power to transform our relationship to ourselves,

to one another,

to the moral law of God,

and to God Himself.

Let me start by reading the verses,

and then I’ll show you what I mean.

In Romans 13:8-10 Paul says,

ROM 13:8 Owe nothing to anyone except to love one another; for he who loves his neighbor has fulfilled the law.

ROM 13:9 For this, "You shall not commit adultery, You shall not murder, You shall not steal, You shall not covet," and if there is any other commandment, it is summed up in this saying, "You shall love your neighbor as yourself."

ROM 13:10 Love does no wrong to a neighbor; love therefore is the fulfillment of the law.

OK, that first phrase, “owe nothing to anyone”

is not talking about money.

Paul is not telling us it is a sin for a Christian to be in debt.

There are other passages in Scripture

that tell us it is generally unwise to be in debt.

There are passages that tell us

that to borrow money

is to volunteer for slavery

and slavery is a really lousy way to live your life.

But that is not what Paul is talking about here.

He is talking about our relationships with the people around us.

And that “owe nothing to anyone” phrase

is actually keying off of his last statement

in his comments about our relationship to human governmental authorities.

In the preceding verse

he has just said,

ROM 13:7 Render to all what is due them: tax to whom tax is due; custom to whom custom; fear to whom fear; honor to whom honor.

Not only do we not have a Biblical right

to resist those whom God places in authority over us,

but we actually owe them a debt of honor and respect, and submission

because they are the ministers of God for good in our lives.

But then, as Paul moves onto his 4^th principle,

he picks up this same concept of giving to people what we rightfully owe them

and tells us that in reality

we have a debt we owe to every human being we meet -

it is the debt of love.

I have heard the first phrase of this 8^th verse translated, “Owe nothing to anyone, except for the debt of love which you owe to all men.”

That captures the heart of what Paul is saying.

It also provides us with an interesting mirror for ourselves, doesn’t it?

In ourselves,

we are sometimes so selective in those we choose to love,

almost as though it is an honor we reserve only for the select few

that we consider worthy.

Paul wants us to know

how distorted our natural flesh tendencies are.

Because every one of us bears within us

the imprint of God Himself,

because every one of us

is a unique creative work of God,

and because each one of us is the beloved of God Himself,

we owe to each person we meet

a debt of love and respect.

But it is the second phrase in that 8^th verse

that contains such revolutionary power.

“...for he who loves his neighbor has fulfilled the law.”

And then,

just so that there can be no misunderstanding about what he’s just said,

Paul goes right back into it

and begins listing the moral commandments of God.

You shall not commit adultery,

You shall not murder,

You shall not steal,

You shall not covet,...

Do you know what those are?

Those are part of the 10 Commandments

given by God to Moses.

Now look at this.

Since the beginning of creation

we human beings have viewed the commandments of God

as being simply a list of nonnegotiable requirements

given to us by our Creator

that we must fulfill

in order to keep on good terms with Him.

Here is God...

here is the list of commandments He has given us,

and here we are,

believing that God’s whole purpose and focus

is His then measuring each of us

on the basis of how well we do in keeping that list.

This perspective is so much a part

of the way we think as human beings,

that even after we come to Christ,

and even after we are told by Him

that all of our sin is gone forever,

nailed to the cross of Christ,

and even after we are told

that we “... have been released from the Law, having died to that by which we were bound, so that we serve in newness of the Spirit and not in oldness of the letter...”

still we instinctively begin every interaction with our King

from the “list mentality”.

But then, when Paul reveals to us

the true nature of our walk with God through Christ,

at the very heart of that presentation

he reveals to us

what we could never see before.

He tells us

that, from the very beginning,

all of those commandments

were given to us by God

to describe to us how healthy human relationships are built and maintained.

Not only was this not

just some arbitrary list of things God wanted us to do,

but in reality

those commandments were actually

the perfect description

of what it means to love another human being.

To love another human being,

to truly love them

is to act toward them in a way that is exactly consistent with the moral commandments of God.

To act toward another person

in a pattern that is consistent with the moral laws of God

is to love them.

And let me see if I can pull together what I see happening here

by sharing with you

the three things I see God giving us in this passage.

First of all, he is giving us

a totally new way of evaluating

what’s really going on in our walk with God.

Instead of looking at the list,

any list of any moral or religious duties,

he calls us to look at the relationships in our lives.

And, rather than asking, “Have I kept the list?”,

he calls us to ask, “Have I chosen to act in love toward those God has placed in my life this day?”

Have I paid to them

the debt of love I owe them?

Have I shown them respect?

Have shown them kindness,

and patience,

and compassion?

Have I protected their dignity

as a fellow child of God?

Have I kept my actions, my conduct

consistent with the highest moral integrity?”

One of Paul’s purposes here, of course,

is to forever shatter the hideous lie of man-made religion

that has the power to blind us to the truth.

Religion forever calls us to look at the list

and through the list

blinds us to the very heart of what God is seeking to do in and through us.

And it does it so effectively

that it can actually allow a person

to brutalize another person in the name of their religion

and believe they are doing the will of God.

Several years ago a got into a conversation

with a deeply sincere Christian man

who was watching his family

being shredded by his wife’s “pursuit of God”.

I asked him to describe what was happening.

It began with special meetings,

and then, through those special meetings,

his wife became deeply involved in certain “deeper experiences with God”.

And the more she experienced,

the more time she invested,

and the more status and prestige she gained within the religious group,

and the more critical and dissatisfied she became with her husband

because he wasn’t moving ahead with the great things that were happening.

As I listened to him talk I heard the tragic pain in his voice,

and I saw the lie once again -

the wife believing there was some external list of duties and experiences

that defined the truly “spiritual”,

a list that must be fulfilled

even if it meant the rejection of her own husband

and the creation of tremendous turmoil in her home.

And it was all a lie.

True spirituality,

true maturity,

true Godliness can only correctly be measured

by how a person chooses to relate to those God has entrusted into their care.

And I hope so very much

you truly did hear what I just said.

True spirituality,

true maturity,

true Godliness can only correctly be measured

by how a person chooses to relate to those God has entrusted into their care.

When I want to know the quality of a person’s walk with God,

I don’t look to see how many times they made it to church,

I look at how they treat their husband or wife,

and their children,

and their fellow workers.

And the first thing Paul is offering us here

is a new question with which to evaluate the true nature of our own personal morality-

not how have I done on the basis of my list,

but how am I relating to the people God has given me?

Second, in this passage

Paul is giving us the most remarkable insight

into how the deepest needs in our lives can be met.

Every one of us enters this world

in emotional isolation

both from God

and from those around us.

Our own sin

and the sense of shame it brings

causes us to respond exactly as Adam and Eve responded when they sinned.

They hid.

And we hide, too,

from God,

and from those around us.

And yet, the greatest need we will ever have

is the need for love -

first for the love of our God,

and then for the love of our fellow human beings.

In these verses

Paul is revealing to us

tremendous insight into how true, durable love relationships can be built.

Do you have someone in your world

where the relationship really matters?

Someone where,

if you could,

you would want to build with them

a relationship that would last forever?

How do you do that?

The beginning, the foundation of all such relationships

in found in our choosing to relate to them

in a way that is consistent with the moral commandments of God.

No deception,

no sexual games,

no dishonesty,

no using them for our own pleasure or our own gain...

It begins with us making our relationship with them

more important to us

than our rights,

our things,

or our ideas,

or our own flesh-driven desires.

And in the most amazing ways

as we give them love,

we find our own deepest needs being met.

Do you know what morality does in a relationship?

It allows the other person to feel safe,

knowing that they will never be used,

never be gossiped about,

never be manipulated,

never have to fear intimidation or emotional abuse.

Do you know how rarely that happens in human relationships?

And yet when it does,

when we create that truly safe place for another human being

through choosing to act toward them with absolute moral integrity

we also create for them

a place in which they can begin to heal.

Some time ago I was in a conversation with a person

who was describing to me a dating relationship he was in.

And at one point in the conversation he made the comment

that he was really encouraged because he was becoming skilled

at being able to tell when the girl he was dating was lying to him.

I told him that I saw no foundation for a future for that relationship.

I told him that what he was looking for

wasn’t a girl he could read well enough so that he knew when she was lying,

what he was looking for was a girl who didn’t lie.

And then, finally, I see Paul offering us in these three verses

a great weapon against the lies of Satan in our life.

He is called the accuser of the brethren,

a title that captures perfectly

his primary strategy against the people of God.

What he wants most of all

is to keep us forever in a state

of self-doubt and anxiety in our relationship with God.

The last thing he wants

is for us to seriously entertain the thought

that now, “...having been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom also we have obtained our introduction by faith into this grace in which we stand...”

He wants us to forever live in fear

and anxiety,

wondering if we have done enough,

fearing there is still something more our God requires of us.

And his great weapon in his warfare against us

is to keep us forever focused on measuring our standing with God

on the basis of how well we’re fulfilling

some list of duties he’s placed into our hands.

And to those lies

Paul offers this truth: ...he who loves his neighbor has fulfilled the law.

There is no hidden list,

no secret agenda,

no further religious duty we must fulfill.

When we evaluate ourselves,

all we need do is to look at our actions

toward those around us.

If those actions are consistent with the moral laws of God,

then we are not just righteous in spirit,

but we are truly righteous in deed as well.

ROM 13:8 Owe nothing to anyone except to love one another; for he who loves his neighbor has fulfilled the law.

ROM 13:10 Love does no wrong to a neighbor; therefore love is the fulfillment of the law.